Written by Dr. David Kyle Foster
In a recent conference on homosexuality put on by the Southern
Baptist Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission in Nashville, I was
shocked and deeply saddened at the absence of those who could speak on
the topic of “change” for the homosexual. Where were they? They were all
sitting in the audience - ministry leaders who have been on the front
lines of helping the homosexual for decades, uninvited to share about
the power of Jesus Christ to heal the brokenness that causes homosexual
confusion. The message from the platform was loud and clear: “Dude, if
you come to Christ, there’s no hope that you can change, so get ready
for a lifetime of celibacy, ‘cause it’s your only option.” Meanwhile,
dozens of former homosexuals, many now married with children, sat in the
audience unable to share the truth about the power of Christ to
transform lives. And behind the scenes, Baptist leaders were spending
hours “dialoguing” with leaders of the so-called “gay Christian”
movement. It broke my heart.
In the recent documentary, “Such Were Some of You”, Dr. Neil T.
Anderson was asked if change was possible for the homosexual who has
given his or her life to Jesus Christ. His reply: “God has only one
plan. It’s that we conform to His image. And so: Is change possible?
That’s what it’s all about! That’s what Christianity is – it’s the
process of becoming somebody we already are. We’re children of God, now
we are becoming like Christ.”
That is a description of the sanctification process, where throughout
the rest of our lives, we who have been made holy by the sacrifice of
Christ, progress in the outworking of that holiness as we grow and
mature (1 Corinthians 6:11). As we fall more deeply in love with our
Savior in the course of an ongoing pursuit of Him (Philippians 3:8-16),
we are transformed into His image (2 Corinthians 3:18) and we are
conformed to His image (Romans 8:29).
Biblically, change is no less an expectation for the homosexual than
it is for the porn addict, the liar, the murderer or anyone else who has
been under the power of sin.
So the question is not “Can a homosexual change?” but “What might
change look like for the one who has been trapped in homosexual
confusion but has now decided to follow Jesus Christ?”
Briefly stated, substantive change is the fruit of a deepening
relationship with God. It is not the result of self-engineered grasping
for the ring of holiness, but is a natural result of the life-changing
revelation of His glory (Jeremiah 29:11-14; Hebrews 11:6) and the
transformation of the will that occurs in His presence (Philippians
2:13). The more often we encounter Him and the more deeply, the more
transformed we become in our inner man.
Change for those struggling with same-sex attraction occurs on the
level of: 1. behavior, 2. belief, 3. identity, and 4. desire. It may
also involve deliverance from demonic strongholds and family-line
curses, the unmasking of hidden roots of idolatry, fear, unbelief,
unforgiveness, the renouncing of ungodly judgments and vows, the healing
of emotional wounds, as well as the impartation of missing
developmental pieces, such as affirmation and love.
The person in pursuit of more of God will be led by the Holy Spirit
into a discovery process - shown a way of escape for some issues (1
Corinthians 10:13), and a way of healing for others. While they focus on
the glory of the person of God and pour out their love for the One they
encounter, God reciprocates by opening up a healing path, guiding them
on it, empowering them in it and imparting whatever is needed along the
way (Psalm 23:3; 119:133; Proverbs 3:5-6; 4:11-12).
It’s important, however, to distinguish between seeking God as a
means to an end and seeking God as the end. We are all prone to using
people for our ends, and sadly we are prone to doing that with God. It
comes so naturally that we often don’t realize that we're doing it. God
Himself needs to be the end of our search and so we need to focus our
hearts with that pure motive. Consequently, we don’t look to expected
fruit or reward or fuzzy feelings as the primary end, and will continue
our pursuit of Him even in the absence of those things. When He becomes
our delight, the fruit just happens.
Progress in sanctification is hastened by complete surrender,
childlike faith, humility and the willingness to do whatever God reveals
to be necessary. It is slowed by self-effort, unbelief, distraction
from the pursuit of God, and an unwillingness to do whatever it takes.
It can also be hindered by perfectionism, (a variant of works
righteousness that is unsatisfied by partial healing), or by a
transformation process that is painful or lengthy.
Another common impediment is demonic deception and the embracing of
lies. This is where knowledge of the Word of God is invaluable. The
Bible is a sword in the hands of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 6:17), to
sanctify believers (John 17:17), to cleanse them (Ephesians 5:26), to
renew the mind (Romans 12:2), and to give them hope (Romans 15:4). It is
living, active, sharp, penetrates soul and spirit, and flawlessly
judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). The one
who rejects the divine origin and entire counsel of Scripture will not
get very far.
Two deceptions that believers seem to fall for the most are:
1. the idea that temptation is sin, and
2. the idea that they are defined (and/or condemned) by what tempts them.
Were either of these true, even Jesus Christ would have been a sinner
(Matthew 4:1; Mark 1:13; Luke 4:2; Hebrews 4:15) and we would all be
without hope.
The first lie is easy enough to reject on an intellectual level, but
when the temptation actually invades the heart, the defilement of it can
cause us to feel as though we have sinned. But the truth is that we do
not sin unless we embrace the temptation and give it a place in our
fantasies and actions (James 1:14-15). And should we indeed cross that
line, we have the provision of grace that offers forgiveness and
cleansing should we repent and ask God to deliver us and forgive us (1
John 1:9; 1 Corinthians 10:13).
The second lie is also the result of the defilement we feel upon
being tempted in such a perverse way. In this case, however, the battle
is between belief and unbelief, -i.e., what is objectively true as
revealed by God vs what we feel to be true. This is often a battle
royal. Are we going to return to our former identity and/or way of life
or are we going to embrace the new creation that the Scriptures proclaim
we now are (Romans 6:5-14; 2 Corinthians 5:17; 6:16; Ephesians 4:24;
Colossians 3:5-10; 1 John 3:1-3) even while our bodies are screaming at
us that it is not true?
How Change Happens
Let’s examine what change looks like for the believer. The picture
varies widely because each former homosexual is at a different stage in
their healing/sanctification process. Additionally, some are more
committed to it than others, some started late and have more issues to
deal with, some have lived a more perverse life than others, some a more
broken life. And some have more faith, more love for God, and/or a
better support system around them.
Essentially, however, it begins at the point of being born again,
when a newfound desire to love Jesus through obedience arises in our
hearts (John 3:3,5-812-21; 14:15,21,23-24; 2 Corinthians 5:14-15;
7:1,10).
God begins to work in us the desire to do His will (Philippians
2:12-13; 2 Corinthians 1:21; 3:5-6; 4:7). And as long as we remain
committed to the process, and pursue God for the revelation and the
power necessary for transformation, we progress in wholeness and
Christlikeness. Some days it’s two steps forward and one step back, but
overall, as one author put it, it is “a long obedience in the same
direction”.
A change of behavior . . . . . . is normally the first to appear. The
Holy Spirit brings conviction of sin, we confess it and renounce our
love for it (Proverbs 28:13; 2 Corinthians 4:2), seek Him for the power
over it (Psalm 37:23; 55:22; 1 Peter 1:5; Jude 24), receive that
empowerment by faith (Romans 1:5), and then turn away from the
idolatrous behavior (Romans 1:25). From a growing love for God, forged
while in His presence, we position our heart against that which put Him
on the Cross, renounce it and consider it no longer an option (Romans
6:11-18; 8:12-14; Galatians 2:20).
For most believers, permanently leaving homosexual behavior occurs
immediately at salvation. For some who do not know the Scriptures, it
may take some days or weeks for the love and kindness of God (Romans
2:4; 2 Corinthians 5:14) and the conviction of the Holy Spirit to lead
them to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). Others may lack a facility in
appropriating the power of God over temptation, or may have demonic
strongholds yet unknown, or lack the spiritual knowledge for how to
remove them. For these, there may be an initial renouncing of the sin
but in a moment of weakness, a temporary return to it. Eventually,
however, they are won by God’s grace (Titus 2:11-14), taught by Him,
empowered by Him and renounce it for good.
Those who do not experience the conviction of the Holy Spirit,
however, are not yet saved. They may have had an experience of God or
“said the magic prayer”, but have not yet come to know Him through
saving faith, which is faith that produces new life as a result of the
indwelling work of the Holy Spirit (James 2:14-24; 1 John 2:3-6; 3:6,24;
5:4).
A change of beliefs . . . . . . Operating alongside a change of
behavior in the transformation of the former homosexual is a change in
beliefs. We embrace God as the One who loves us, who has our best in
mind and who is worthy of our obedience. We exchange false beliefs about
Him, (as well as false beliefs about ourselves), for the truth revealed
in God’s Word. Whereas we use to believe that we were unforgiveable,
unredeemable and unlovable, the truth revealed by the Scriptures and the
presence of God - the Word made flesh (John 1:1,14) - exposes those
beliefs as the lies that they are. As a result, we are persuaded to
embrace our true selves – regenerated and adopted (Ephesians 1:3-8)
dearly beloved children of God (1 John 3:1-3) who no longer bear
likeness or give allegiance to the world and its god, the devil (John
15:18-19; 1 Peter 2:9-11; Rev 5:10). Our former love for the world is
now fading away (1 John 2:15-17) and we seek to conform our beliefs in
all things according to God’s Word, whether we understand them or not
and whether He removes those things that tempt us or not. Oswald
Chambers once wrote that “the core of all sin is the doubt that God is
really good.” We now choose to believe He is good based on His
demonstrated love for us on the Cross of Calvary.
A change of identity . . . . . . Because our beliefs have changed, we
undergo a change of identity. We now see homosexuality as the lie that
it is – an idol and a pitiful substitute for unmet need. We also
recognize the concept of “Gay Christian” as the same distortion of
reality and reject it. No longer do we allow our history, our feelings
or our temptations to tell us who we are (1 Corinthians 6:11; 2
Corinthians 4:18; 5:7; 6:16; 10:4-6). We were created and designed by
God to operate heterosexually and although that identity may have become
distorted, or remains unformed, we embrace it as God’s intent and by
faith open ourselves to whatever healing God might have for us. Even
still, we do not derive our identity from what may result, but from what
God has declared from the foundation of the earth (Genesis 1:27-28;
2:18-25).
A change of desire (or attraction) . . . . . . begins with loving God
more than the idols of our past – those things that named us, and
falsely promised to provide identity and completion. As we pursue a love
relationship with God the Father, He begins to unravel the mysteries
behind our same-sex attractions and shows us what to do about them. For
some, it will be things that made them repulsed by certain
characteristics of the opposite sex. For others, it may be incidents (or
beliefs) that created fear or hatred of the opposite gender. For still
others, it has more to do with deficits they experienced in their
same-gender identity formation, thus leaving them with an idolatrous
bent toward their same sex and a never ending search to acquire the
masculinity or femininity that was never called-out or affirmed in
childhood. The range of possibilities is too great to cover in this
article, but even if we had a perfect blueprint of our brokenness, that
alone would not bring healing. Only God can do that. And only He can
reveal the series of actions, and the timing of such actions, that can
transform us. Don’t get me wrong, knowing why helps, but knowing Him is
what heals.
We have a penchant for focusing our hope on the wisdom of man, for
trying to fix ourselves, for unbelief, and for returning to idolatry
when things don’t proceed according to our timetable. We also have a
strong tendency to waver in our commitment to the process and to the
necessary pursuit of an intimate relationship with God the Father. These
are common and great impediments to progress. But our God is
longsuffering, patient and full of grace.
My “healing process” has been ongoing for the last 34 years, though
the lion’s share of it happened during the first seven. I did not go
through a program, a support group or counseling - not that there’s
anything wrong with that – as long as those don’t become the focus of
our hope for change. I learned the process of transformation from the
Spirit of God directly, through His Word and through His Church. As I
knelt in worship before Him, night after night, singing love songs to
Him, savoring His Word, laying out my needs, periodically He would show
me the root of one of my problems. Then He would show me what to do
about it. It was that simple. It is that simple. Not easy, but simple.
We are transformed into His image as we gaze upon His glory (2
Corinthians 3:18), through the washing of the Word (Ephesians 5:26),
through a healing of our broken hearts (Isaiah 61:1-3), and impartations
of identity and affirmation that went missing in childhood. While I
worshiped Him, He imperceptibly took away my fear of woman. I didn’t
even know He was doing it, but only saw the evidence of it after the
fact. As I sang hymns in seminary chapel services, I became a man among
men. In that safe place of faith and worship, I became solid,
integrated. As I focused on Him rather than obsessing on me and my
problems, He solved my problems, one by one.
Am I still tempted? Yes, just like the former porn addict, smoker and
chronic gossiper! God doesn’t give us lobotomies at salvation. I still
retain all the memories of my past and they do haunt me from time to
time. And the demonic realm still retains its knowledge of how to blast
me every now and then. But I now know where to take those temptations
(Galatians 2:20). I no longer allow them to name me or drive me to
sinful actions. I use them instead to run back into the arms of my
Savior, to practice my dependence on Him and to obtain His power over
them.
My behavior has changed, my beliefs have changed, my identity has
changed, and my desires have changed – at significant levels. I am
nothing like I used to be, yet very little of what God intends to make
of me. And during the past 34 years of ministry, I have met thousands of
others who have left homosexuality behind and found healing and
transformation through Jesus Christ.
“Is change possible? That’s what it’s all about!”
